Ok folks…

Take a look at the picture here.

Your task: Create a killer caption for this image.

I would like to reward the person who comes up with the best caption by giving him or her a free copy of my book Writing White Papers: How to Capture Readers and Keep Them Engaged in e-book format.

Contest winner announced Fri. the 1st of Feb.

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It was just after Christmas. I thought I should go online and see what the damage was on my Capital One MasterCard.

That online visit sparked a customer service from hell experience. But more about that in a bit…

I saw a bunch of charges from Yahoo that surprised me. I decided to give Yahoo a call. After answering a bunch of questions, Yahoo informed me that they saw some fraudulent activity and it might be wise to change my card number.

Flashes of identity theft went through my mind. I decided the issue was urgent enough to give Capital One a call.

After going through a menu of options on their voice system, I finally selected “Report Fraudulent Activity.”

I was transfered to a lady somewhere overseas. She spoke very broken and slow English, but listened to my story.

She asked, “Would you like me to send you a new card.”

I said yes and asked if the card would have a new number on it.

She responded, “Your new card will arrive in 5 to 7 business days.”

I asked again, “Will it be a new account number.”

She said, “Would you like me to send you a new card.”

I said, “Yes, if it has a new account number.”

She paused a little longer and said, “Okay Mr. Stelzner, I will be sending your new card now.”

I explained I needed a new account number.

She said, “Would you like to cancel your account.”

I said no and she said, “Let me transfer you to someone who can assist.”

I was so frustrated I yelled, “Learn to speak English people!”

Turned out the gal was still on the line. She said, “Um.. Um..”

I asked to speak with a supervisor. After a while, a more articulate English speaking man came on the line.

I told him my story and asked if he understood. He said, “Of course sir.”

He checked what the other woman had done. Turned out she was sending me a new card with my old number on it! She did nothing to indicate any fraud took place on the account.

Had I not asked to speak to a supervisor, fraudulent activity would have continued on my account.

Turned out I was calling to the Philippines. The supervisor did take care of me, but about 40 minutes of my time were wasted.

Here’s my question: “Capital One, Who’s in Your Call Center!?!”

Tell me about your customer service hell story.

It’s that time of year. The time to make plans for 2008. As a writer or marketing pro, how will you invest in your future? What are your plans?

I am trying to avoid the word ‘resolution’ because we all know what happens when we make resolutions.

I want to know what steps you will take to expand your horizons. You do have a plan, don’t you?

Will you take night classes? How about read some new books? Attending seminars?

So what are your plans for next year? I want to know.

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about my world in 2008 (writing and marketing white papers), be sure to click here.

By the way, Happy New Year!

On this Christmas eve, I thought I might explore the meaning of Christmas.

Is Christmas about gift giving, random acts of kindness, Santa or shopping?

Well, sadly yes and no.

Christmas has become something a bit different from its roots.

Simply stated, Christmas historically is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It is a celebration that the savior of the world was born in a little town called Bethlehem.

Here is a blurb from Wikipedia.org on Christmas:

The Nativity of Jesus refers to the Christian belief that the Messiah was born to the Virgin Mary. The story of Christmas is based on the biblical accounts given in the Gospel of Matthew, namely Matthew 1:18-Matthew 2:12 and the Gospel of Luke, specifically Luke 1:26-Luke 2:40. According to these accounts, Jesus was born to Mary, assisted by her husband Joseph, in the city of Bethlehem.

According to popular tradition, the birth took place in a “stable”, surrounded by farm animals, though neither the “stable” nor the animals are mentioned in the Biblical accounts. However, a “manger” is mentioned in Luke 2:7 where it states “She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.”

Shepherds from the fields surrounding Bethlehem were told of the birth by an angel, and were the first to see the child. Christians believe that the birth of Jesus fulfilled many prophecies made hundreds of years before his birth.

If you are a Christian (like I am), please take a moment and reflect on the importance of Christ’s coming into the world.

Merry Christmas!

With a newborn in the house, time has rapidly slipped by.

Just this Saturday, I drafted up my Christmas letter to friends and family (a tradition of ours).

An aside: I was tempted to replace Christmas letter with holiday letter in my headline here, but only for a microsecond (see Merry Christmas, NOT Happy Holidays).

I think it is healthy to look back on the year and reflect on what has occurred.

Did you write your letter yet? You like to write don’t you?

Even if you never send it, you should consider writing about the year.

Better yet, pull out those old Christmas letters and read them. You’ll be amazed how quickly we forget the milestones in our lives.

By the way, Merry Christmas to you and yours!

On Monday, a new writer was born.

Her name is Makenna and I am her proud daddy.

This is really a simple question to ponder during this time of year.

What are you thankful for?

Here’s some historical insight into the meaning of Thanksgiving according to Wikipedia:

The early settlers of Plymouth Colony in Massachusetts were particularly grateful to Squanto, the Native American and former British slave who taught them how to both catch eel and grow corn and also served as their native interpreter. Without Squanto’s assistance, the settlers might not have survived in the New World.

As congress recognized the importance of Thanksgiving observance, President George Washington issued a national Thanksgiving Proclamation in 1789. He wrote, “Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be—That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks—for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country…for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his Providence which we experienced in the tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed…and also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions—to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually…To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us—and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.”

What are you thankful for this year?

Just wanted to personally thank the many dozens of you who sent your prayers and well wishes my way.

We were part of the San Diego fire.

Simply stated we are home and safe without any scars.

The call came in at about 6am on Monday. Three calls to be precise: “Get out now! The fire is coming.”

I sent my wife and kids out the door within about 15 minutes and stayed behind.

My wife called within minutes and said, “Once you leave there’s no coming back. The roads are jammed.”

I franticly packed water and clothes and took our other car and left.

We were able to book a stay in a hotel in La Jolla. We were one of the blessed few who got a room because we acted quickly.

About 500,000 other San Diegans were displaced to evacuation shelters, like Qualcomm Stadium.

Multiple times I tried to reenter my community, only to be stopped by rifle wielding national guard troops or police.

A few hours ago we were allowed to reenter.

Needless to say, with the exception of ash and soot and a very black pool, all is normal where I live.

Not so about 2 miles to the north, were 100’s of homes were flattened.

A few stats:

• The fire that came into my area burned more than 300,000 acres
• More people were evacuated in San Diego than Katrina during the Huricane (and without anyone shooting at helicopters)
• Estimated number of displaced people: 910,000

Thanks everyone! And especially thanks to the firemen!!

Ok folks. This is a little off topic.

I am seeking an administrator or assistant who can operate remotely.

Here are the job requirements:

• Is a skilled writer (can craft emails, etc.)
• Is a very good verbal communicator (can arrange meetings, etc. on my behalf)
• Has other clients who have a large client base (such as book authors, etc.)
• Is located in the United States
• Can prepare HTML documents (helpful, not required)
• Is savvy operating online tools (helpful, not required)
• Has marketing experience (helpful, not required)

If you or someone you know is interested in this job, please send your resume, references and rates to mike@writingwhitepapers.com and reference “Virtual Assistant” in the subject line.  Only the best need apply.

Thanks!

Okay, you know the drill!

You must demonstrate some form of return on investment (ROI).

Here is a simply hilarious video that gets this point across.

Watch for the marketing manager…

Thanks to Mark at Inflexion Point for turning me onto this.

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